I was just thinking…

Warning: contains a [much needed] rant about etiquette.

I co-hosted a bridal tea for the daughter of a dear friend on Sunday. The invitation said “Regrets only,” asking people to respond only if they could not attend. Three people responded thusly, which meant we would be expecting 13 at the tea. My co-host and I planned seating, food, and beverages for 13 people. Only 5 actually attended, along with 2 unexpected children. That’s right…8 people failed to reply to the invitation with their regrets but then failed to show, and one person brought two children with her. We were stunned. What happened to common courtesy??

I know things come up and life can get crazy. But I believe it is supremely rude to ignore an invitation, especially if it asks for a response. This action negatively impacts the host(s) and the guest of honor. The hosts invest time, effort, and money in the event based on the guest count, so when you don’t respond, you are telling the host that you don’t care about their preparation. As for the guest of honor, he or she carefully prepared a guest list for the host of the family and friends with whom he or she wants to celebrate. On the day of the anticipated celebration, those thoughtfully selected guests not showing up leaves the guest of honor feeling rejected.

Courtesy has become incredibly uncommon in our culture, which is a sad testimony of how self-focused people can be. You may not see an event as important, but it is important to someone, as is your attendance, or you would not have been invited. The next time you get an invitation, for the love of all that is good, be considerate and take a minute to respond. Then attend, or let the host or guest of honor know when unavoidable circumstances arise and your plans must change. And don’t bring children without asking the host first if they are not specifically invited. There may not be a way to accommodate children at the event, so don’t assume it will be fine.

It’s time to make courtesy common again and think about how our manners–or lack thereof–affect other people. Take a minute to hold a door open for someone. Let someone with just 2 items go ahead of you and your full cart at the grocery store checkout. Offer your seat in the restaurant lobby to someone who needs it more than you. Oh, and teach your kids to do the same.